8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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