highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize