making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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