White coat. Heels.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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