everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
