I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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