im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
operation have a gay friend backfired
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
