is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize