I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
