so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
