Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
