Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
