He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
