I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
