Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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