Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I need to stop coming to work sober
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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