A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just had sex on a roof
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
