I think I died a long time ago.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
