how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
