Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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