I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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