Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
