Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I need to wash the frat house off of me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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