he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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