drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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