dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
