she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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