I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
