those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
