So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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