i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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