Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
