So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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