his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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