I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
