Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
