Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
