you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
