I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It was a blind-side dick pic.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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