wat bout pragnant strippers??
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
