i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
