dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize