i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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