just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
