I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
