Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
