he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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