easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
