the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
