Betty ford says i'm here all night
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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