I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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