Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Also, beer. Big fan.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
