Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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