Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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