Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
