Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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