I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
