Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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