Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
