Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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