ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
