I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
not ubering you a puppy
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Holy shit dude........stairs
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
