chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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