I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
