she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
