An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
