Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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