First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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