I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Randomize
