I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
