Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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