i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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