I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
