My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
