Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
