The police scanner is talking about you again....
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize