I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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