so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
