And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
