What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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