this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
