You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
